The spring camping season is set to take off in full force: families, young couples and groups of rapscallion teenagers alike start thinking about exploring the outdoors again as the weather begins to turn.
If you’ve considered upgrading your old camping gear but keep putting it off because it seems to 'go alright' each year, we’re here to tell you that camping tech has come a long way since people lived in castles and it’s time to join the rest of us in the 21st century.
Here is our list of 17 (not so) serious reasons why it’s time to upgrade your old camping gear this spring.
1.Park rangers are always telling you off for lighting fires
Ugh, pesky rangers, saving lives, always telling you off for lighting fires right in the middle of peak fire season. How else are you supposed to cook that snake you caught? Well, you’ll be pleased to learn that you can now buy fire in a box! We like to call them ‘camp stoves’. They're great because they run on liquid fuel and won’t go out just because you ran out of firewood. Best yet, camp stoves are ranger approved.
2. Live action roleplay (LARP) enthusiasts keep confusing your campsite with the jousting festival information centre
Ever wake up in your tent confused by the sounds of steel clanging against steel outside, only to find a bunch of equally confused knights-in-armour standing around your campsite asking you where the toilets are? Well, that my friend is because your tent is just, so, so old.
"Excuse me, can you please point us in the direction of the lavatories?"
Modern day tents are made from wondrous materials such as nylon and polyester which are much lighter and more breathable than rabbit skins.
3. It’s unnecessary to sleep inside a crocodile for warmth
You really don’t need to climb inside a croc to find somewhere snug to spend the night. Today, we use sleeping bags made specifically for keeping you warm in the outdoors. While some sleeping bags are stuffed with animal feathers to help keep you warm, we promise it’s much more pleasant (and cleaner!) than the lower intestine of a large beast.
4. Digging a hole is tiresome and unpleasant
Finding a private and appropriate place to perform one’s morning business is a real hassle, don’t you think? First, you have to walk away from camp; far enough that no-one can see you, far enough that you can’t see anyone (because it's hard to go with people looking). Then there’s the digging and the squatting in the cold morning air.
Horrible, just horrible.
If you’re looking for a convenient solution to your daily ablutions, look no further than a portable loo with amenity tent. Portable camping toilets function just like regular toilets, except you'll have to carry your cargo with you until you find somewhere to dispose of it. An amenity tent is like a mini (modern) version of the tent the LARPers are always asking you about.
5. Cauldrons are really heavy
Back aching from carrying that giant cast-iron pot to your favourite camping spot? Have we got the solution to your woes?
A Billy is a small pot with a handle that weighs much less than your average witches pot. Billies heat up fast and are small enough to fit in your backpack. And if you’re looking for something a little bit bigger, all of the larger camping pots and pans available today are better than a cauldron too.
"Hey, can you give me a hand with this?"
6. Wrapping your gear in a picnic blanket and tying it to a stick is adorable but inefficient
Still relying on the old blanket-stick-and-knot-trick to carry your gear? Catch up to the times Blinky Bill and get yourself a proper backpack. There is a huge range of backpacks available on online designed to make carrying your camping gear to the site easy and less painful on the shoulders.
7. Caravans no longer have a horsepower rating
We all remember how good it felt to be able to say to your mate, “My caravan’s got four horses; yours has only got two”. But unfortunately, the golden age of horse driven caravans has come and gone to be replaced by more efficient forms of recreational vehicle.
Modern caravans are towed by automobiles powered by petrol or diesel. They come fully equipped with all the comforts of home, and even have doors that shut tight to keep the wind and rain out! How good is that? So leave the horses at home to cut the grass and take a look at a shiny new caravan (permitted at all campgrounds across Australia).
Keeping things cold can be tricky in spring as it starts to warm up. But rather than relying on eating non-perishable foods such as ants and road kill, why not consider adding a portable refrigeration system to your list of camping equipment? Powered either by your vehicle’s backup battery, a generator, or even solar panels, a fridge will help you keep some of winter's spoils from spoiling, enjoying them all through the spring (or at least until the best-before date expires).
9. Your boots may have lasted the last 37 years but they're really bloody heavy
It’s true – they don’t make stuff like they used to back in the 20’s. But just one of the benefits of modern hiking boots is that they no longer weigh approximately 7.2kg apiece.
By combining lightweight synthetic materials with traditional leather, boot manufacturers have improved upon the past making footwear that is not only more comfortable but better for your feet as well. And if you look after them, they’ll still last you a good few years before you need to consider
going hunting purchasing a new pair.
"Back in my day, boots were made of wood."
10. Carrying your ‘backup water supply’ in a snakeskin is a good way to lose friends and alienate people
While you and Bear Grylls might get along great, if you strut around the wilderness with a snakeskin filled with your (ahem) drinking supply slung over your shoulder, your fellow outdoor enthusiasts probably won’t want to be friends with you.
11. Sitting on the ground gives you a sore butt
Leave your lazy boy at home, indoor furniture is now available in outdoor varieties that weigh less and have cup holders for beer.
12. Kerosene lanterns are so last season
If you hadn’t noticed, the cool kids are carrying their lanterns on their heads now. Head torches are all the rage because they allow you to use your hands and scare away drop bears [needs citation].
13. Water wheels are an inefficient source of power while camping
“But how do I power my record player without a water wheel?” I hear you ask? Today, there are much more efficient methods of generating power while in the outdoors. Portable solar panels are excellent for powering small devices such as phones, tablets, and small speakers – you can leave the record player at home too.
Even if your camping gear isn’t quite as old or terrible as some of the equipment referred to in this article, Spring is a great time to consider upgrading to the latest tech. Sell your old camping gear at Outdoria, start your camping season with fresh new gear and be the envy of everyone at the campground.
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